PostDoc Discussion Forum

To cut a long story short, the first 2.5 years of my PhD went fairly well. I did the usual, planned the project, collected my data, passed the Mphil transfer, conferences, teaching. Then divorce, ill health and all kinds of things happened. I interrupted for 2 years whilst trying to get my life back on track and came back to studying with a year left (extension). Restarting coincided with the pandemic, my life was still chaotic (single mum of 3, several changes to jobs/house move), I suffered depression and a mini breakdown. Somehow I've managed to pick myself up, the first half of my thesis (40,000 words) is written up to a reasonable standard, but I've got little else. Now I have less than 5 weeks left (more extensions are not an option), I just don't know if I can actually pull it off. My data is less than half analysed, I have several interviews I haven't even transcribed which need incorporating. Then I will have my findings, discussion and conclusion to write. Because everything has been so last minute, my supervisors have seen very little of my work, and have no time to read/ comment, so I'm going it alone. They have said that from what I have seen, I am capable, my writing is a good standard, and my main supervisor has agreed I can send everything to her a couple of days before the submission, and she's hoping what I have is good enough to sign off (she has said she will not sign off anything that she thinks will fail). My Viva/ externals are already booked. Last week I was positive, thinking I can do this. My plan was a week to finish analysis, a week to write up analysis, a week to write up discussion, and a week to write conclusion and proof. I've booked 3 weeks leave off work, and could potentially get a 4th week of if necessary. This week I'm not so positive about it. My youngest is off school poorly, I got very little done yesterday and my brain is in a fog. I know that if I do manage to submit something it will need major corrections, but worst case scenario I think I would finish with an Mphil, which at least means the last 5 years wont be a complete waste of my life (I only have a BSc at present so I guess a Mphil is better than nothing). Today I'm feeling lost and unmotivated and have talked myself out of believing it is possible. I have managed to book a week away next week - which means no kids or dog to walk, just me and my laptop. But even so, is it going to be enough or am I being completely unrealistic? Should I go for it, or should I just quit now? I'm already in a post doc job which I love and I'm good at, If I cant pull this off, I won't have a career :(

Hi, hatemyphd84,

I am sorry that you are feeling so awful, BUT can you even see all the accomplishments that you had overcome in your life. You juggled divorce, illness, kids, jobs and house move, all very very serious and challenging matters. I think you are awesome.

Regarding your PhD, you are so so close to the end. A week away to do your PhD thesis sounds like a great idea. Complete what you can. It will not be perfect, but as long as you submit a PhD thesis, you have a shot. You have already come this far, you might as well try to get that PhD. In the worst case scenario, you will still have a masters.

You who have overcome many challenges can overcome this one more hurdle. All the best.

Hi procrastinaX
Guess what - I did it! I passed my Viva, I have corrections to do, but really nothing that bad. I had actually come on the forum to try and find some motivation for the corrections when I noticed your reply.

After my original post, when I was on the verge of quitting, I decided that to submit something would be better to submit nothing at all.

I hadn't left myself enough time to finish and perfect a thesis, but I did what I could. Some of it was rushed, and really
really shoddy. It had not been proof read so was full of spelling mistakes, the discussion was half finished and kind of trailed off towards the end. What I presented as a literature review was barely that at all. I think those few weeks were the most stressful weeks of my entire life (and there's been lots the last few years). The night before the submission, I had spent so long at my laptop that I went temporarily blind - I literally couldn't see barely at all with blurry/flashing vision, and had to stop working. I submitted about an hour before the deadline, knowing that it wasn't properly finished off. I was so embarrassed that I could barely bring myself to submit it, and once I had done, I was hoping it would get lost and no one would ever read it.

My Viva was a few months later and I had tried not to think about my thesis at all in the time in between. I only prepared the day before the Viva, not out of laziness, but because I really couldn't bring myself to read or think about what I had written. I can't describe the immense sense of embarrassment and shame I felt at having to confront the examiners, whose time I felt was being wasted by the whole ordeal. I felt physically sick. To make matters worse there had been some confusion, as the usual admin for my department had left, and so no one had invited a chair to the viva, and no one had invited my supervisor either. Despite this, the examiners were lovely, they seemed enthused about my work, and said I had made a very original contribution to my field. I couldn't believe it. I had expected to fail outright, or a resit/ rewrite at the very least.
They did acknowledge that my work needed 'polishing' and the discussion expanding, and they gave me 6 months for 'major' corrections, but on receiving the report, the corrections themselves were not even that extensive.

If you feel you are in a similar position to where I was, please DO NOT GIVE UP!!!
Not submitting is an automatic fail, but submitting something, even if you feel its something subpar that will never pass, may just give you a chance. It seems obvious in hindsight but there really is no point in worrying about what you can't do. Just do what you can do, submit whatever that is, and if you are lucky like me, it might not be as bad as you think. Good luck!!

Thankyou! Its lovely to know that someone has read my post, and especially that it might have helped. I am now on with revisions, and it is horrible. I understand how you feel about finding it hard to open the document. I'm the same, even though I am over the worst of it, it still fills me with anxiety! I keep re-reading my post just to remember how desperate I was, the relief I felt at passing the viva and trying to get back some of that motivation to finish. My goal is to finish corrections by the end of this month so that I can graduate in September, but I'm not making much progress to be honest.

I hope you managed to submit in the end? it sounds like we've been through a similar experience, it would be lovely to know the outcome, I have my fingers crossed for you xx